Tag: neologisms

The phenomenom by which, whatever time you come home from work, when you switch on Radio 4, it’s always midway through the Archers

The Aaaah… sound that people make exclusively and particularly after the first sip of ‘a really good cup of tea’

Wanting to play your new CD/DVD but being frustrated by the unnecessary and seamless cellophane packaging. Guaranteed to break teeth or require scissors that scratch the case.

The fruitless jab-jabbing of your card in an ATM machine that is still chirpily displaying “thank you for using” long after the last customer has gone

Words that you regularly mis-type, causing loss of concentration as you cursor back to fix them

eg, incerase for increase or filed for field

A biscuit that breaks off during dunking and sinks to a wet, sugary grave of tea

The clock you don’t know how to adjust so stays wrong by one hour until springtime

The crumpled barcode on a plastic packet that the cashier has to grumpily type in manually

The little sticky-out bit inside your cheek due to accidentally, and painfully, biting yourself

The toothpaste that falls into the sink when you knock the brush over while trying to put the cap back on

The hard to suppress excitement of knowing you have a fantastic seven letter word ready for your next turn at Scrabble.

It’s bittersweet because there’s there’s always the danger that that your opponent will spoil it by inadvertently going there

A phantom ring. When you reach in to your pocket to get your vibrating mobile only to find that you there’s no missed call and must have imagined it.

The hot trickle of water inside your ear after you get out of the swimming pool and violently shake your head to clear the block

The condemned soul employed by Pret a Manger to stand in front of you shuffling sandwiches around the shelves for all eternity

Minor typos in emails you’ve spotted buyt can’t be bothered to correct before sending.

Advanced, devious usage: deliberately mis-typing a word in an email you’ve just spent ages getting right in order to make it lookk like you just dashed it off casually

To have a second, squeaky clean, identity on Facebook to foil vetting by future employers

Any item of food that is routinely not eaten.

Best exemplified by the little white plastic bag of salad that comes – unrequested – with absolutely every delivery curry.

The ceaseless stream of superlatives and self-important nonsense spouted by critics, soiling pretty much any BBC rockumentary

”Everyone who was at that gig went away different people”
“Not many people bought the first Velvets album, but absolutely everyone who did went on to form a band”
“They created an imaginary world and invited you to join it”

The socially awkward situation created by an unsigned text message from someone who clearly assumes they’re in your phone book, but they’re not.

“Hi. It’s been ages. Wanna meet up next week?”

Feeling humbled because, no matter how good you’ve got (with a piece of software), there appear to be countless people on the web way better than you are