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Going “cold budgie”

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Withdrawal headaches from giving up coffee

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Eschering

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The process of re-recording your voicemail greeting over and over again until it sounds right – though of course it never quite does

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Binutes

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The minutes of an awayday that are forgotten once you’re back at the office

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Rock Goggles

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The phenomenon of people who’d not warrant much of a second-glance in normal life become sex gods when they’re in a band and wear shades

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Liddeling

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The disconcerting way people alter their tone of voice when saying goodbye on a business call from their conversational norm to a inappropriately intimate, breathy, whispery bye…

“Ok, thanks. See you later. Yep. Bye. bye…

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Wezumping

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Announcing your engagement to friends, only for another couple to subsequently announce theirs AND an actual wedding date – thus nabbing the nuptial limelight

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whitmore

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a cocky waiter who memorises your order instead of writing it down – leaving you with the nagging feeling that he’s bound to get something wrong

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purves

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rogue over-the-shoulder seatbelts in a black cab that won’t budge whether pulled forcefully, teased gently or sworn at

purving – to tug pointlessly at said seatbelt whilst hoping the driver doesn’t bump into anything

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fruitile

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The inevitability that 90% of clementines in a brimming fruitbowl will end up being thrown away

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tubescence

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the victorious feeling when an arriving tube comes to a standstill with its doors exactly where you are – giving you a clear run at the last available seat

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half-butler

The joy at getting past the halfway point in a paperback

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Neolojism

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a new rude word

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Choc bottom

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To reach that point where you have eaten so much bad food (esp. over xmas) that you finally get the motivation to go on a diet/start exercising

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loosing it

Annoyance at seeing lose invariably mis-spelt as loose

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smessing up

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Comic mis-spellings created by errant use of mobiles phones’ inbuilt text dictionaries. e.g. I wolf you up this morning (woke)

Smessing up can be serendipitous – buffle is an improvement on cuddle, for example

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Terrypole

The central spine of crumbly chocolate that cements the rest of the Terry’s Chocolate Orange together. A nice bonus bit you feel guilty about snaffling

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sleeplines

Waking up with marks on your body caused by deep sleep next to fabric patterns & creases. They often resemble spectacular body art or, one one memorable occasion, Scalextric tracks

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tonguebobble

Indecision about whether to bite off one of those tiny white spots at the end of your tongue

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binlifter

A person who distracts their tv-watching partner with random, unlikely fidgets

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Trundle Alley

The life-sapping parade of illuminated posters in airport terminals advertising business gadgets and management consultancies