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London lunch

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More power to you

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Bye bye ball

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R2-D2 urn

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At Nunhead cemetery

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Tubed

To be sent the long way round by direction signs on the Underground
when there are much quicker, unsigned routes

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Jelly telly

Programmes that require minimal brain power to enjoy. Invaluable when whacked after a long week – eg, Inspector Morse repeats

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Closure

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Sighns

Toilet door signs with ambiguous graphics to deliberately blur the
distinction between the men’s and women’s.

(can theme pub designers just stop doing this? It was novel in the
1980s)

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Paracoaster

A coaster that sticks to the bottom of your cup/glass and then
falls on the floor

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Fris-been

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New balls please

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Champion!

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Bunny Lake is missing some bits

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Pooh Bear poo-pooed

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Junctionitis

The uncertainty that comes from a foreign traffic light showing an
unexpected pattern – eg,flashing green

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Bates’ curtain

A motel shower curtain that billows in the steam, clinging to your
side like a soggy nylon magnet

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Sarah Connor (T2) looks like Huckleberry Hound

It’s those hangdog eyes

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Prezshunt

A leaving do gift that is left behind in the drunken cab ride home

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A pearler

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Gluff

The distracting tiny fluffy ball of ink that forms on the nib of a
biro when writing